Haiz.. Another Upset day

Hmm, woke up in fright today.
Had a very bad nightmare or shl I say I didnt get to slp peacefully = No slp rite?

I tink I'm still .. Haiz.. (Sorry frds..I know I'm useless)

I cried again. Haiz.

I tink now I shl start protecting myself alr. Protect myself is NOT equal to betray him but.. I wanna put in some prove before I'm being accuse by him again.

I'm human, NOT god. I'm always trying to take in all the blames even thou i'm nt at fault. Now I tink my limit has hit. I need to protect myself already, if not he will hurt me more n more. Yes, he will.

STOP telling pple I'm assuming things and tell my frds I'm having depression.
Devastated shl be the word.
And I am NOT assuming things! Just that its not nice for me to reveal it..

U tink by telling pple i'm assuming things then pple will turn to believe u?
Yes, perhaps some will. However, Time will reveal yr lies.

And I tell u, When ur hurting me and pushing all the blames to me, I'm just quietly protecting u by not explaining or exposing u too much.
Hence, Being quiet doesnt mean I admit I'm wrong.

U kept sayin the reason (Or shl I say excuse) for breakin with me is cos u gt NO time for me n I had been "taking too much of his time" n u need to conc on yr studies so as to graduate in AUG.

Anyway, u know what will happen in AUG.
We shall c how u explain (or lie) in AUG.
U better come up with a better excuse and NOT LET ME BE THE EXCUSE.

NO time for me? But have time to meetup with... Means..?
Oh come on.. She is the one whom come find u?
HAha.. Did u watch the movie - I know what u did last summer?

N telling pple whom trusted u, how relectunt u r to go for yr frd's bday when she is ard..
Hey! So gentlement of u.. Take car go n fetch her? It shows how relectunt u r..

MAke use of my trust, our trust, everyone's trust.. Sigh.

N always say, u r affected too abt our breakup. I dun c how "upset" u r.

Just wanna let u know.. I know everything and every lie that u made..

So many many things u had lied to me even when we r together..
I still rem I was lying on yr chest n tell u,
Have u ever lie to me? Please dont cos, I cannot accept a bf whom lie to me..
Haiz, the ans u gave me was modal ans.. I cannot believe it. So close yet u still can lie.

Know Y I wld prefer to hide in my room now?
Cos I'm afraid. Afraid one day I bump into u n ........ I will breakdown definately.

I'm very sure he will either get back to his ex gf or get a new gf soon.
I'm not assuming. I have my reason of saying.
N I know who issit... Freaky ah?
Anyway, time will tell.

Haiz till now, I still love him.
I know cos I'm still hurt and will cry at watever things he do or didnt do.

I just had to blame myself for putting in too much effort, heart and love in this relationship.

I know I'm just a spare tire.. Just that I refuse to admit intially.
Now I have to admit cos Its true.
I'm always a spare tire.. I tink worst then a spare tire.
Happy for u *****e, u had get away fr this ordeal and I've replaced u.

I tink this is the worst blog I've written.
Haiz.. Such a bad patch in my life. Whatz wrong.

Even when I tell him, I'm gg to end my life, He doesnt bother.
Cos he got ******* to fill up his empty space now.

But, at times, I really feel like disappearing from everyone..
Then I wanna go back to my own wake n c who r my real frds whom will come n upset over my death body.
By then, I will know who r my real frds.

Its very sad to c someone I love suddenly become someone like dat.
Or shl I say, I'm very sad to find out u r like dat..

If u pple misunderstand me now, its fine. I can understand..
But one day if truth is out.. No need to apologise to me.
I will still treat whoever whom misunderstand me as my frd and its still not late

To those whom trusted me, Thank you and I treasure u.