Don't be afraid to be show how u really feel.

I still rem when I was about 6yrs old.
We're very poor back then.
No barbie dolls, No toys, No new clothes, No new books, No allowance, nothing.
I had to sleep in the living room cos there's only one bedroom and its for my parents.

My dad always brings me window shopping in OG cos dat's when I cld only play with the display toys.

It was my bday that day.
My dad said I cld choose smt for myself :) I was so happy!
I saw this barbie doll van on TV that I like it very much.
It cld be transform into a picnic van when its open and its PINK! So I search high n low for that.

Finally I found it, It was high up on the shelves (how tall can I be when I was only 6yrs old?)
Hence, I ask the salesgirl for help.
The first thing I look out for was the price. It cost $80 back then.
I really love the van so much.
But I ask the girl to put back, I lied.
I told her I dun like it.. But the actual fact is that I know we cant afford.
My dad kept askin me do I really like it, If so, he wld buy for me. I refuse.

I went to look ard again. Just tot of owning ONE barbie doll for myself.
Guess what? I was looking for the cheapest barbie doll I can find.
The cheapest cost $30.
End up? I didnt buy anything and was being scolded for being indecisive.

Till now, they still didnt know that,- Actually I know what I wan.
Just that I felt we cldnt afford it, hence I say I didnt like it.
That was what I really felt.
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Actually, till now I still dunno what have I done wrong for my past relationship.
I did what a GF should do.
I do more than wat a GF shl do.
I didnt do what a GF shlnt do.
I help him to build up better relationship with his family.
I get along well with his family so that he doesnt feel sandwich between family and gf.
I buy him things which he needs and I buy him things which he tot he might need.
I got him what he wants.
I motivate him and give him all the support he needs.
I put in my best n I gave him all the trust and shower him with love.

I just felt sad.. We ended up so abruptly. He didnt even wanna c me the last time..
I just felt scared when the person whom knows me so well and closest to me, killed me.
Like the chinese saying
" u'll always have a victory war when u know yr enemy well" and
"the person closest to u is yr scariest enemy, cos they know u inside out.."

If he cld have someone else in mind, at least tell me so that I know a real reason.
Leave me hanging there, blaming me for smt which I didnt do, lying to me or lying to others just to cover yrself doesnt help.
A man should always admit what he had done even thou its wrong.

Anyway, I know he is someone else's boyfrd now.
There is NOthing to hide and dun get me wrong in my intention.
What I'm trying to say is,
I cldnt bring myself to be angry with him. I'm just disappointed and upset.

If u feel that she is better, treat her well and dun hurt her the way u hurt me.
Yr family are r all nice pple and its a pity I cldnt be part of them.
N, they really love u just as much and care alot for u.
So stop lying to pple whom loves u cos whatever u had done wrong, they'll always forgive u.
Yeah, This is how I really felt.
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Dear friends, I'm sorry to have lied.
Not really lied but I just didnt show u how I really felt.
Many a times, it just me that I hate to bring up my troubles when I'm out with u.
I just act like I'm happy.

Its just me that I cldnt bring myself to cry infront of u.
Its not that I'm being fake..
I just push all those behind me and the unhappiness will come back when i'm all alone.
Thanks for being so concern and the assurance to be there whenever I need u.
I know u wanted to help.
I tink the only person cld help is myself.
I just need time.

Yes, I know I have an excellent group of girl-besties and I'm happy to have u gals.
Yup..This is how I really felt abt u gals.
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Sometimes, I actually felt very disgusted about my job.
Everyone is so fake.
U r totally lonely and helpless out there.
U cldnt be ard for impt dates/family gatherings.
Its not a job for me.
But my principle is-- If its MY job, i'll need to do my best, irregardless.
Anyway, I can say I can live comfortably with my current job.
So, I just live with it for awhile more..
Yes.. That was how I really felt.
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I felt being taken granted for..
Yes, here.. There.. Everywhere..
I felt being nice to everyone doesnt pay.
In layman terms: Sometimes, being nice will also get strike by lightning.
But, I still wanna be who I am even if I'm being taken granted cos I believe god is there to c what's happening.
Good pple will have good deeds. Not now perhaps. I'll wait.
Right.. That was how I really felt.
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I tink I shl start to spend my hard earned $ on myself.
SOLELY for ME.
Pamper myself and buy those which I cldnt afford in the past.
Exactly.. That was what I felt I shl do now..
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Today is Father's Day.
Last mth we had Mother's Day.

I always wanted to be like last time.
Wake up early in the morn to give goodbye kiss to my dad before his work.
N give him a hug when he is back home.

I always wanted to give my parents a BIG HUG to tell them I love u.
I always wanted to thank them for the upbringing cos I'm proud to be who I am now.

NO, its not cos I'm always overseas and hence start to learn the western culture -
on the showing of physical affection (like hugging n kissing) and on sayin out things like "love u and thank you for.."

I'm being brought up this way and I felt that it perfectly fine and sweet to do that.
In future, I wld def teach my kids to do that cos its so heartwarming to hear yr own children saying"Mummy, I love u.. then give u a kiss followed by a hug.."
Its absolutely better than giving me any expensive gifts of any kind.