Anniversaries..

IF we r still together, today will be our 7th month anniversary.

Everyday had been reading thru past sms, emails, browsing thru past photos n playing my birthday powerpoint slides..
Thats a daily event.

Hourly event would be thinking of what will u be doing.. Missing u.. N whichever corner I go to, I wld tink.. How nice if u r here with me.. Or when I felt cold, I wld tink u wrapping me with yr warm arms..

Minutes event wld be chking on my phone for msges.. or if its working fine..

First n second month anniversary are the happiest moment in my life..

Who knows things changed so fast?

No matter wat I say now..
No matter how hard I tried..
No matter wat i did now..
No matter how much I love u I've said to u..
Is useless already. Yes, Totally useless..

I felt so stupid.. Silly.. Crying over spilled milk.. Or not knowingly buying stuff for him when suddenly I realise he is not here anymore..

Suddenly retail therapy doesnt seems to work anymore. I dunno y. I totally no mood to shop.. I'm just accompany my batch gal walking ard and look happy so that she wldnt be worried..
She oso didnt know I was crying when she was fast asleep..

I really dunno how to express how I feel now.. I'm really so.. ... ...
I tried hurting myself so as to overcome the hurt in my heart.. It doesnt work..
I tried all means n ways.. I still feel hurt..

Life is unfair - Very..
Guys only care for those whom r small n look weak.. Big size pple like me doesnt benefit anything at all.
A group of us went out together for sight-seeing. It was freezing cold. Jackets are only offered to other gals even thou they r wearing more than wat i'm wearing.. Never me- even thou I was shivering cold.. The main reason is cos I'm big size n looks strong enuff to brave thru the cold.
All these make my heart colder - frozen - now dead.

Micheal n Selina are a married couple with kids. They are still as loving. Holding hands, lying on each other shoulders, sharing food.. I envy.. I really envy alot. Although I'm happy for them.. But the knife seems to be stabbed deeper into my heart..

I dun understand Y do I have to go thru all these.. Why.. Issit my retributioN? From where?
I never done anything evil.. I really never..
Dear god, R u just testing how strong I am? I'm not. I admit.. I am not.. Stop all these.. I cannot take it anymore.. Please, I beg u..

Please do not blame on him after reading this.. When a relationship fails, it never one person at fault.
I just felt very upset abt myself.. I cannot understand Y am I behaving in such a way.
I never to love anymore..
Simply cos.. Love hurts.